Selling wine is my day job. I like to sell wine because I like to drink wine in a similar way that I like to write with a pen. I like to drink good wine and then write with a good pen. I like good things, so having to/getting to focus on something like wine is an enjoyable alternative to say, focussing on assholes like a proctologist does. I could never enjoy that, and while I am certain it must be much more gratifying helping other humans solve their ailments, especially those concerning our hidden but treasured parts, I simply could not stomach the thought of interacting with someones bum all day. So I help ease the pains in their heart. I sell them good wine.
What I like about my position in the wine world is that I am offered the opportunity to sample some of the world's best wines and then help find suitable matches for each in a small mountain town. Almost a city, but I've been laughed at several times by people from actual cities when I've used that classification, so I'll go with town. Surrounded by millions of acres of forest, rock, and high desert, Lanton, PA. is has a surprisingly sophisticated palate. But it will seldom be acknowledged locally, because the people of Lanton aren't really the types to use either word, "sophisticated," or "palate" unless you were referring to something like a "sophisticated asshole," or a "cleft palate." We aren't really the fancy type. We just like good things. And so, I go day to day around the town, checking in with all the restauranteurs, showing them wines I think they will like.
And so I think about my wine key. "Wine key" is a sophisticated asshole way of saying "bottle opener." The wine people thought they were very clever when they came up with that though, and so, tread lightly, this is a group of sensative people. I'm not referring to the wine makers, mind you, but the people on the periphery, who provide the side components in the wine world. The ones who came up with the word, "wine key." Wine makers distinguish themselves from the rest of us sinners in the wine world because they actually make something that other people want. Sure, people want to see a good label, and want reliable delivery, but more than anything, they want the wine and the things it does for their mind. And sometimes body. (There are wine-dependent people out there.)
Most of the wine makers are tough, enduring people. Even when their brand "has made it," if you get down to the people on the ground, the vineyard managers, many of whom are in fact the wine makers - making wine IN the field, the ones pressing, pumping over, racking... these people love to make wine, and even if they would prefer to be in a different winery, something more personal and small, they still have passion for the wine making. Wine making is not a field slipped into... a person has to go there.
But I'm rambling, something about wine openers. Wine keys! Yes. I hate a bad one. Why have a bad wine key? And, as far as I've seen, the better the winery, the better the wine key that they hand out as promotion. I've had wine keys given to me by wineries producing hundreds of thousands of cases of wine, and they were crap. Just like their wine. But I've been given keys by some very small companies that I know are scraping to just survive... quality. Across the board. That is the kind of people live in the wine world. Its a micro-cosm, sure, but its not any different. Personal companies, and impersonal companies.
And as a person that promotes these wines, why would I work to sell a company that has the nasty habit of slapping its name on just about any cheap little thing? And a poorly designed wine opener, of all things? That should take second place to the actual wine. Perhaps even before the box. A company can get away with using half-assed boxes, the Argentines and Spanish have proven that, but they give you quality in the bottle. So when I go open a wine and its a pain in the ass because XXXValley or whoever has given me a cheap ass tool to use, well, that is one notch down in my mind about their product. They've got even more to prove to me now, and honestly, the winery I have in mind, well, it doesn't. I'd love to tell you, but I'd probably get fired.
Anyway, this is where I was going, before this whole wine opener distraction... the pen. Its like a wine key for me. I want an experience that is more than merely functional, I want an experience to be as efficient and pleasant as possible. Efficient design is a vital part when considering the overall product once the level of "pleasantness of use" has been determined. Pleasant to use on the page, but a pain in the ass cap? No thanks. Difficult to clip to pocket? Perhaps if it is an amazing write, but it had better be one hell of a ride. I've got to take the thing with me, everywhere I go, so I'd better be able to attach it to my shirt pocket, or in my pants pocket and be able to count on it being there when I look for it, and, as I found out with the new retractable Pilot Precise V5 RT, I'd better be able to get it unclipped as easily as it clips. That is the major disappointment of that pen. I can not safely attach it to my shirt, and while I certainly appreciate the companies willingness to provide me with new pens, it solved nothing. In fact, in some regards it felt a little like blood money. And I really don't mean to sound like an unappreciative asshole here, but its not like I can go and clip these new ones to my shirt either. They sent me the exact same pen. Great pen, bad shirt clip.
Take a look at the Uniball Vision RT. This has become one of my top three favorite pens in a long time. The tip is altogether different that the rolling ball by Pilot. It too is technically a rolling ball, but the tip is much more blunt than that of the Pilot, but the ink flow is still very satisfying. It is smooth across the page, and has just enough softness to take the rough grit edge off if you are writing on thin paper over a hard surface with a grain, like a wood desk top. The grip has a slight contour and a grippiness that is just write. The pen is great to write with, fast and long term. The tip is responsive and does not get caught dry, ever, like ball points. And because it is hard tipped, it doesn't have any of the drag of a soft tipped pen. No limpy dick here.
But one of my favorite features of this pen is the retractor. In fact, I've proposed to Uniball that this pen is renamed, "The Retractor RT" instead of the Vision RT. I'd suggest making a deal with the folks doing "Transformer" and perhaps even come out with a kids line of this pen. And here is why. This pen has built into the clip a mechanism that retracts the pen if clipped to anything. Not once while carrying this pen have I ever put it in with the ink tip still exposed. I've done this with nearly every other retractable pen I've ever carried, and even with the Pilot Precise V5, because I clipped it with the top on the back, but thats because I'm a fool, but with retractable pens, it is very easy to make the mistake. And it can't be done with the Uniball Vision Retractable RT. I guess it would be redundant to call it the Retractable RT, but I'd still like to see a picture of a Optimus Prime on the back.
And why for kids? Because of how the retractor works, if the clip is lifted away from the pen at all, it automatically closes the pen. It could be the savior of millions of dollars spent on replacing kids cloths. Moms across American would buy the pen just like they buy Elmers Glue and Crayola crayons... because they know it is going to be harmless for their children to handle.
Yes, the only sadness about the uniball Vision RT, is that our not-so-local office supply store quit carrying them. The sadness and horror are profound.
